Rules to Follow in Paris

The Parisians are starting to piss me off and it has nothing to do with behavior, it is their damn good looks. I have been walking my butt off all around the city to no use. I think the more they eat the more I gain! Except it happens to be the one of the prettiest cities in the world, no doubt about it! After a huge lunch I continued on my march, hoping that I caught a slimming gene from the water here. I want to wear tight jeans and have no belly like all those I see. I recalled Hemingway saying that he walked the Luxembourg Gardens to relieve hunger pains. It didn’t work for me, all I got was envy and a great rich cappuccino! There are some truths that you should know about Paris, like any big city.

The creams and lotions that they buy work only for them. I swear the face cream hasn't worked for me yet! Thats okay cause I would rather look at them.
Get a Metro Pass, you will use it.
I had a butcher hop over the counter and recommend a cheaper but better bouteille, they are not all out to cheat you.
There is no better place to introduce someone to Europe, ask my wife Lil.
Do not eat at La Butte Chaillot, they will try to rip you off.